26 thoughts on “December 28, 2015

  1. Stuart is the kind of person who would hear about starving, homeless people and ask, “Why don’t they just buy some food?”

    • “Saay, maybe we could get those starving homeless to buy stuff at Grumbels! They aren’t using their money to buy food and rent, so they must have a whole lot to spend!”

    • “Are there no prisons?” asked Scrooge.

      “Plenty of prisons,” said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.

      “And the Union workhouses?” demanded Scrooge. “Are they still in operation?”

      “They are. Still,” returned the gentleman, “I wish I could say they were not.”

      “The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?” said Scrooge. [Stave 1: 50-51]

  2. Stuart sounds like my DM. Her edict on the day after Christmas “No returns, exchanges only.” She also thinks clearance items are add ons items and shouldn’t be the only items in a sale.

  3. I would simply “no u” him, only in the manner of: “When you were manager, what did you do to sell more?”

    He would probably answer “I was manager?” but that gives Marla ammo to set up him the bomb.

    • My DM would tell us to never use the word ‘return’. “Exchanging today? We have these pants in other sizes right over here. Look around and see if there is something here you would like better. This top has been very popular and go great with those pants. I’ll get you set up in a fitting room.”

    • He always held Marla responsible and since the DM was a masochist the DM would have also blamed Marla for the problems of the store and gave praise to Stuart on good sales

  4. I’d ask him to come in and show me how to do it right! Since he’s the expert he must know, right? Come on in here Stuart and walk me through the process of sweet talking customers into buying more!

  5. I think Stuart should be visited by the “Ghosts of Retail Past.” Maybe he needs to remember the struggles he had during his days as a lowly manager…

  6. The truly sad thing is that there are people in real life who will look at this strip and will genuinely NOT UNDERSTAND how Stuart is being an idiot.

    “What’s the deal? Isn’t Stuart right? I mean, if Marla sells enough to offset the returns, won’t that solve the problem?”

    Just makes you want to pound your head against the wall.

    (Or better yet, pound HIS head against the wall.)

    • No, I think most people realize the stupidity. It’s not limited to retail. Consider the success of Dilbert. In fact you could replace Stuart with the Pointy Haired Boss and Marla with Alice. Same thing.

  7. I was sent home early today because by noon my department had only netted 89 cents. We had some bad weather today, so the only people out were the ones with stuff to bring back. I could not sell things faster than the return desk was taking them back.

  8. Marla: People spent all their money on Christmas. Now they want some of it back.
    Stuart: Give…money…back?! What is this blasphemy!? *brain blue-screens*

  9. My DM likes to tell me how to do my job when it comes to contest/push items.
    DM: Tell EVERYONE.
    Me: I am.
    DM: Then why are your numbers low?
    Me: Because no matter how many times I tell them how awesome the product is, they don’t want it.
    DM: Put it in their hands!
    Me: Then they put it down somewhere else in the store, hoping I wont see them, so they don’t think they’re being rude.
    DM: Well, just push harder.
    Me: I’ve had 3 people in the store in the last hour. 2 of them were teenagers with $2 to their names.

    They don’t get it.

    • The DM isn’t paid to “get it”, but to “produce results”.
      Regardless of how unrealistic that may be.
      And since they all hit a spot where a goal cannot be reached without divine intervention 😉 , they then expertly engage in magnificent buck passing and blaming to protect their own position on the corporate ladder. It’s on the inofficial job description of these creatures!

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