27 thoughts on “May 1, 2012

  1. I’ve got customers that would make that joke……..and other that would laugh at that with us if they were in ear shot!

  2. I work at an office supply store and I had this happen to me just the other day. A lady came in and asked me: “Sir, do you carry any counterfeit pens?”. To which I quickly replied: “No, I’m sorry, every pen we carry is real!”… This was received by the customer with an awkward emotionless blank stare.

    Obviously, this customer was actually looking for counterfeit “detector” pens… The type that you mark bills to see if they are real or not. However, she left the “detector” out of her sentence.

    • We’ve used those at work, I’ve gotten into the habit if calling them Phoney or Funny Finders and will even show customers who they work if asked. I stopped using them and switched to looking for the strip inside the bill after we got a counter fit $50 that was so well done it nearly fooled the bank teller that was counting the money for our deposit. We would usually just run the Funny Finders over the bills to see of they came up black or yellow and since it came up yellow, we took it.

      • We’ve used those at work, I’ve gotten into the habit if calling them Phoney or Funny Finders and will even show customers who they work if asked. I stopped using them and switched to looking for the strip inside the bill after we got a counter fit $50 that was so well done it nearly fooled the bank teller that was counting the money for our deposit. We would usually just run the Funny Finders over the bills to see of they came up black or yellow and since it came up yellow, we took it. After the teller called the next morning, she got ahold of the Secret Service (since they handle such things) and let us know when they got back to her that it was actually a $5 bill that had been pretty heavily doctored, which is why the pen didn’t catch it. The reason she suspected it was that there was something “not right” about it, but the only problem she found was that it had been missing that strip (which I have seen pulled out of a $20 before), so she got the Secret Service in on it just in case.

        • Wow. I did not know that the Secret Service did that. Actually, until a few seconds ago, I didn’t know they did anything except protect the president and other officials. I investigated, and it turns out that all financial security was originally their responsibility.

          http://www.secretservice.gov/criminal.shtml

          Thank you for teaching me something new.

          • National Geographic had a four episode Tv series called “Classified Secret Service Files” that showed behind the scenes look of what they did which included the money counterfeiters side of Secret Service

        • FYI the pens are worhless!!!!! Check out this link: http://midwestfraud.com/counterfeit_pen.html

          Someone I know was accused of passing a fake 20 at a casino because of the pen turning the bill black she was taken and questioned hard by security. Turns out it wasn’t fake at all. She’s been going there for years. I’m guessing she won’t be back. I know I wouldn’t be. :( I tell everyone I know that these things are WORTHLESS.

  3. And yet… we’re expected to laugh at their “It must be FREE” “joke” whenever something doesn’t ring up at the register.

    • Well of course, JJM, we’re supposed to be drones who only reply to the jokes customers make(like the “I just made it this morning!” one I always get with $50/$100s and US Currency[since I’m in Canada, I have to check US $] that I check on the UV Checker at my work).

      FUN FACT: In the fast-food world, “it must be free!” tends to be replaced by people trying to order booze

        • Indeed…if I actually knew what I was looking for; the poster with the tips on what to look for at my work got ripped down so I’m lost on it. Maybe when they roll out the $5s, $10s and $20s I’ll get a new one.

    • In the sit down dining industry the joke is “I don’t have any money. Guess I have to wash dishes!”. Always accompanied by that stupid shit-eating grin, that says “look at what a clever monkey I am. 10 times a night, every night, for twenty years. Some days it is all you can do not to slap them.

  4. UGGG! I have customers like this all the time! You don’t dare joke with them, because you never know how they will take something, even if it’s the most innocent joke in the world!

  5. Because I’m kind of a smart@$$, to keep from getting myself fired I have to come up with witty responses that are highly unlikely to elicit offense from a customer. I.e. sometimes when greeting a customer they’ll say “What’s the word?” My response: “Bird. Or Grease if you prefer.” If they even caught it, 99% of people will just think something like that is cute.

    • I love the “Are you available?” question when I am obviously not helping anyone else. My response is, “I’m dating someone, but I can still help you.”

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